So I have had Ana and David over to see the edit on separate nights. Perhaps I should start with what was clear...
They both found the particulars of the story clear. That is they understood, or could understand where the characters were and who they were. They did not think it was necessary to explain more.
But at the same time they thought that there were missing steps in the relationship between Nick and Claire. They just barely begin their relationship and then it is over.
And the this was not helped by the fact we see no more than a short sequence with Claire and her previous relationship with Paul.
For them the visual language, or at least what was promised, was clear. (I found this interesting that for some the particulars, such as which flat the characters were in was confusing, but the abstract layer was clear. This for me is a victory).
David, being the photographer was more critical, but then that is why I asked him for his opinion. I certainly could not disagree with him.
As for the question of length, no one felt it was too long, that there was any fat. Quite the opposite. As I said, Claire and Nick needed more development.
So my problem remains. If I was to continue the way I had always planned then I would have a film of at least 2 hours.
What to do? Once they had finished their feedback I proposed them a solution. That is that this story would be developed into a feature of its own. This means creating a segment at the beginning, developing the relationship between Claire, Paul, Natalie, and Sophie. The second segment would stand, with some further developments between Claire and Nick. With the first segment, this second segment would seem as a natural development of Claire's story.
And then to follow, where does Claire go? This would be the third segment. Again, the natural development. If with Nick, Claire was foolishly taking on an other's identity, then third segment would be about her stripping away the artificial layers of identity.
I have already begun to write these new segments. I have written a draft of this first segments, I have developed the second segments, and I have very rough outline of the third segment.
Two of the actors, Flora and Katrine are coming over to see the edit on Thursday, and I will propose to them this new idea. More on that later...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
The first edit and the first feedback
So I began to show the first edit to friends this past week. Actually the first were my two neighbours. Isabella and Mark. They knew nothing about the script and the story so I was especially interested to hear their reaction.
And quickly problems with the state of the edit arose, principally in that the story if tightly written that one missing detail made it difficult for them to follow what was happening. An example, I shot the scenes in Paul's/Claire's place here in my flat, and because I don't have the location as yet, Natalie's flat as well. This meant they simply had difficulty knowing when Claire was at her flat and when she was at her sister's, Natalie. The story is complicated enough that these small details made it difficult to judge the effectiveness of the story. Is there enough there? Do I need just a few more details, a little more explanation?
My instinct would be to add more, because I can always remove it in the edit, but for one other problem, the edit is running at 41 minutes. As this was intended to be one part of three parts, if the other parts were of equal length or if I have to add a few more minutes that would mean 3 x 43 minutes = 129minutes. If I was a name director perhaps I could interest someone in buying that, but since this is a debut feature that is unlikely to happen.
What are my options? Shorten it by cutting it tighter? I don't think there is a lot of fat to cut. I made it pretty lean from the beginning. I explain next to nothing, the minimal, to the point where I think it would be incomprehensible if it were cut it tighter. What about making it less complicated? I don't know if it would have the same resonance if I did this. Develop the Claire story as a feature by itself? Isabella was quite adamant that she would like this if the story were to develop, but not if it were to explain more.
There are two areas where it could be developed.
First the visual language is starting to be effective, even thought there are large gaps in it. I have not even begun to develop the language of the macro, that is Claire's world seen in the minutiae. I would need to make it longer to do this.
Second, to develop other characters in the story, before and after. The first part with Paul at the beginning. What is there in their relationship that Claire would try to take up Natalie's life?
Then her sister Natalie. What could be developed there?
And what happens after the final scene with Claire where she goes into the forest looking for Nick?
So I have a lot of thinking to do. In the meantime Ana is coming over on Wednesday and more feedback. If she were to have the same reaction...
And quickly problems with the state of the edit arose, principally in that the story if tightly written that one missing detail made it difficult for them to follow what was happening. An example, I shot the scenes in Paul's/Claire's place here in my flat, and because I don't have the location as yet, Natalie's flat as well. This meant they simply had difficulty knowing when Claire was at her flat and when she was at her sister's, Natalie. The story is complicated enough that these small details made it difficult to judge the effectiveness of the story. Is there enough there? Do I need just a few more details, a little more explanation?
My instinct would be to add more, because I can always remove it in the edit, but for one other problem, the edit is running at 41 minutes. As this was intended to be one part of three parts, if the other parts were of equal length or if I have to add a few more minutes that would mean 3 x 43 minutes = 129minutes. If I was a name director perhaps I could interest someone in buying that, but since this is a debut feature that is unlikely to happen.
What are my options? Shorten it by cutting it tighter? I don't think there is a lot of fat to cut. I made it pretty lean from the beginning. I explain next to nothing, the minimal, to the point where I think it would be incomprehensible if it were cut it tighter. What about making it less complicated? I don't know if it would have the same resonance if I did this. Develop the Claire story as a feature by itself? Isabella was quite adamant that she would like this if the story were to develop, but not if it were to explain more.
There are two areas where it could be developed.
First the visual language is starting to be effective, even thought there are large gaps in it. I have not even begun to develop the language of the macro, that is Claire's world seen in the minutiae. I would need to make it longer to do this.
Second, to develop other characters in the story, before and after. The first part with Paul at the beginning. What is there in their relationship that Claire would try to take up Natalie's life?
Then her sister Natalie. What could be developed there?
And what happens after the final scene with Claire where she goes into the forest looking for Nick?
So I have a lot of thinking to do. In the meantime Ana is coming over on Wednesday and more feedback. If she were to have the same reaction...
Monday, March 10, 2008
The final scene and a new location
Now that JC is away until mid-March I look to David to help me out.
I already posted previously of our problems with the park location. So the Sunday previously David showed me another park close to our original locations.
What I realised from shooting the other weekend was that this scene or scene require a location that can be seen as a periphery, where the city meets park meets the wild. The other location was only wild with some of the city at the far edge.
This location was more suitable.
The park meets a high street. I can suggest safety for Claire, not just physically, but also from what she fears in her mind.
So we can establish her meeting Nick for the first time in such a place.
Here they must sit and Claire tells Nick how irresponsible Natalie is. It is also the place that they end their relationship too.
An alternative meeting point which has the added value of including the next location in the background.
The park meets the wild, with the city in the background. A great intersection/conjunction.
There are also some lights, which will at least establish the presence or absence of Nick when Claire goes looking for him. He can disappear because we can see so.
And then the wild place, where Claire goes to meet her fears. The final shots take place in there.
I returned to this location this past Saturday and capture a whole series of shots to establish this part of the story.
I also found that finding these locations made to change the story. In this last scene, Claire does not go after Nick to learn if what had happened was real - I always found this idea weak - but rather to confirm what she had always feared, that she was essentially alone. When she goes into the wild it is to face her fear, which has now been well-established earlier in the story.
On Sunday I edited all the new footage together and reworked some of the sound. I will burn a DVD on Tuesday and then it is time for some feedback. More on that...
I already posted previously of our problems with the park location. So the Sunday previously David showed me another park close to our original locations.
What I realised from shooting the other weekend was that this scene or scene require a location that can be seen as a periphery, where the city meets park meets the wild. The other location was only wild with some of the city at the far edge.
This location was more suitable.
The park meets a high street. I can suggest safety for Claire, not just physically, but also from what she fears in her mind.
So we can establish her meeting Nick for the first time in such a place.
Here they must sit and Claire tells Nick how irresponsible Natalie is. It is also the place that they end their relationship too.
An alternative meeting point which has the added value of including the next location in the background.
The park meets the wild, with the city in the background. A great intersection/conjunction.
There are also some lights, which will at least establish the presence or absence of Nick when Claire goes looking for him. He can disappear because we can see so.
And then the wild place, where Claire goes to meet her fears. The final shots take place in there.
I returned to this location this past Saturday and capture a whole series of shots to establish this part of the story.
I also found that finding these locations made to change the story. In this last scene, Claire does not go after Nick to learn if what had happened was real - I always found this idea weak - but rather to confirm what she had always feared, that she was essentially alone. When she goes into the wild it is to face her fear, which has now been well-established earlier in the story.
On Sunday I edited all the new footage together and reworked some of the sound. I will burn a DVD on Tuesday and then it is time for some feedback. More on that...
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Workshop complete...just about
So this past Sunday I finished the workshop, or at least most of it. It was a long day and I had to introduce Emma, who plays Sophie, into a few scenes, and some voice-overs, really phone calls. I also worked with Katrine, who has one scene as Natalie, Claire's sister.
With Flora we finally filmed scene 18, which was the scene I used to audition everyone. It was strange to do this scene as it felt as if we had already done it. In this scene Claire is awoken in the night by a strange sound. She thinks it may be intruders, but then realises she is really afraid that Natalie has returned. Then she learns that the odd sounds are her neighbour is having a bath. There is great relief.
I took this opportunity to add a new scene, or at least a part to scene 18. From JC' s and Fergus' feedback I was looking for ways to flesh out the relationship between Claire and Nick. So at the end of this scene Claire is seen watching someone from her bedroom window. She goes to the front door of the flat, unlocks the door, and goes back to bed. A short time later Nick comes in. They have started their relationship.
This scene or stub establishes their relationship, shows how Nick has transferred his obsession to Claire, as he has been watching Claire, and makes a connection between the idea of release, which is the focus of the scene, and her taking up this new life via a relationship.
I have more work to do, especially around the park scenes. If all goes well I will shoot those this weekend and finish the edit as well. Then it is time for feedback.
With Flora we finally filmed scene 18, which was the scene I used to audition everyone. It was strange to do this scene as it felt as if we had already done it. In this scene Claire is awoken in the night by a strange sound. She thinks it may be intruders, but then realises she is really afraid that Natalie has returned. Then she learns that the odd sounds are her neighbour is having a bath. There is great relief.
I took this opportunity to add a new scene, or at least a part to scene 18. From JC' s and Fergus' feedback I was looking for ways to flesh out the relationship between Claire and Nick. So at the end of this scene Claire is seen watching someone from her bedroom window. She goes to the front door of the flat, unlocks the door, and goes back to bed. A short time later Nick comes in. They have started their relationship.
This scene or stub establishes their relationship, shows how Nick has transferred his obsession to Claire, as he has been watching Claire, and makes a connection between the idea of release, which is the focus of the scene, and her taking up this new life via a relationship.
I have more work to do, especially around the park scenes. If all goes well I will shoot those this weekend and finish the edit as well. Then it is time for feedback.
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